Christmas in 60 Seconds: 1968. Night of the Christmas Iguana.
10-year old boy: I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.
[Man in Santa suit laying face up, pulls beard away from mouth.]
Man: It’s me, David. Go get in the car.
[Woman helps man up.]
Woman: He wants an iguana for Christmas.
[Front of PetSmart.]
Man: We’ll get one on our way out of town.
[Back of adult heads in front seat of car.]
10-year old boy: This iguana is a girl.
Woman: It’s the only one they had, sweetie.
10-year old boy: Can I call her Iggy anyway.
8-year old girl: Mommy, I don’t feel good.
10-year old boy: She’s all cold and clammy.
Woman: It’s a lizard.
Man: Close the lid and quit playing with the iguana.
[8-year old girl wretches and vomits.]
10-year old boy: I think she’s dead.
Woman: Pull over and throw the lizard in the trunk. I’ll clean up sis.
10-year old boy: Can we trade her in for a boy?
Woman: I don’t think it’s safe to go on any farther.
Man: There was a motel back there if you want me to turn around.
Woman: What was that?
Man: I think it was the median.
[Tire blows out. Thump. Thump. Thump.]
Or a flat tire.
[Flashing police car lights.]
[Car door slam.]
Officer: You made an illegal U-turn back there.
Man: Here, you hold the dead iguana while I dig out the spare tire.
[Car door opening. Retching sound.]
[Front desk of Motel.]
Clerk: Room 16. Here’s the key. Um, no pets.
10-year old boy: He’s dead.
8-year old girl: I’m going to throw up again.
[Movie marquee.] 2001 A Space Odyssey
Open Christmas Day
Man: Is there any place in town open where the rest of us can get supper?
Clerk: Movie theater is the only place open today.
[Empty movie theater, save for Family.]
[Popcorn passed among the Family.]
Woman: Feeling better, sweetie?
[8-year old girl nods.].
10-year old boy: Merry Christmas, everybody.
HAL 9000: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.