An Ouija Bird

As I mentioned before, I handled the academic part of OCS reasonably well, having just recently graduated from college and accustomed to studying and taking exams.

I do remember one difficulty in a field problem when I was singled out for my particular ineptness. In spotting for the field artillery the forward observer (the job for which we were being trained) is in a fixed, known position. He estimates the distance to the target on an azimuth and directs the fire control center on that basis.

The particular problem this day revolved around the fact that the observation point was a moving location, so determining the line became quite difficult. The observer tends to direct the fire around the target instead of over and under, the conventional means of zeroing in.

When my turn to direct fire came up, I made the exact mistake the major in charge had warned us about and he looked at me quite disdainfully and said, “You are an Ouija bird, Candidate! Do you know what an Ouija bird is, Candidate?”

“No sir,” I replied.

“Well,” the major explained, “that is a bird that flies in ever decreasing concentric circles finally flying up its own asshole, thereby confusing the enemy!”

What could I say but, “Yes, sir.”

I have related that story a number of times through the years to illustrate a situation where those involved skirt around the problem and never hone in on it.