Precision Drill

Each quadrangle on the base at Scofield had a tavern for off duty G.I.s to relax. Three-two beer was the strongest item in the place but enough of it could produce the same result as stronger beer in lesser quantities.

We were not allowed in these facilities as trainees, but when we had finished our basic training the cadre traditionally invited the graduates to the tavern. Our place was called the “Fireman’s Hat.” As it happened, the night of the party, my turn came up to pull CQ (charge of quarters) so I had to stay back at our unit and man the telephone in the company clerk’s office. Unhappy as I was at missing the festivities, it was almost worth it to see the event I am about to describe.

About midnight two of our non-com cadre had nine of our ten squad members (I was missing, of course) in tow and marched them in close order drill across the compound. They were all “in their cups,” as the saying goes, and being very deliberate, as drunks so often become. The corporal in charge gave them crisp orders. “Column right, march…column left, march” et cetera, until he got them to the base of the stairs going up to our second-floor squad room. At this point, I abandoned my post in the first-floor office to see this drama play out.

Amazingly, the corporal gave precise orders getting the troops up the steps, gave them a column left down the hall and a column right into the swinging doors of the latrine. Now comes the tricky part. He maneuvered them along the wall until each one stood directly in front of a urinal.

“Right face! Unbutton pants, move!” There was a slight pause and one soldier just couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Who told you to piss?” the corporal screamed at him.

They all had serious hangovers the next morning and I had one of the funniest drill experiences of my army career. Perhaps those never having experienced military life won’t appreciate the humor but I certainly did.