ACT TWO
Scene I. Washington, D.C. The Capitol.

[Enter Eric Severied and John Chancellor.]
Severied. This old hearing room will indeed have an historic week.
Chancellor. Aye, the testimonies of Dean,
Haldeman, and Ehrlichman come close on
each other’s heels. We’ll keep busy. This news
will fill the air full time, ‘til this story is complete. 5
Severied. Why, the Committee’s task is but begun
and already many a wayward act,
reported here first, has been borne out.
Chancellor. Until we broke the story, I had no
clue that campaign men would do such mischief, 10
would calmly sit and plan such fabulous
illegal acts and raise many millions
of dollars; to play dirty tricks on the
Democrats; to write obscene letters and
make false press releases and disrupt 15
campaigners by purchasing hecklers and
rotten tomatoes; and last, but no,
not least, to bug their headquarters with
electronic listening devices.
Severied. ‘Twas fascinating to sit within this 20
Committee’s room and listen to the
Burglars’ story. To hear, from the very
men themselves, how they were chosen by
high placed men to contract the job at the
Hotel Watergate. I found it most 25
astounding, the story of the break-in
and the history of their capture by
a security guard, and, finally,
after, as I must add, the fact that we
of the liberal press had uncovered 30
something fishy, of the enormous funds
raised to buy silence from the Burglars and
provide support for their families while
they languish in prison from a pleaded charge of guilty.
Chancellor. But, now, the Committee’s work is just 35
begun, to delve within that secret
structure of the Committee to
Re-elect, to see how this vile and evil
place, where corruption grew, was connected
to White House aides, and to uncover all 40
the facts and display the corruptions so
this might not happen again. That is their task.
Severied. Aye, let’s not have another scandal of
this proportion. That’s our job, Chancellor,
to see to it this shan’t ever happen again. 45
We spread the word to all the land
that the mass media keeps careful eye
on our government. We’ll not let corruption
rear its evil head again.
Chancellor. The nation’s put their trust in us. And that 50
is a good thing, for we are the guardians
of government ethics. And the public
trust is one we’ll keep.
[Enter Sam Ervin, Howard Baker, other divers Senators, Counsels for the Majority and Minority, divers assistants, lawyers, attendants, members of the press and public.]
Ervin. Ayha, this, ah, Committee is now in
session. We, ah, have been looking over these 55
memos that the Committee has acquired
and I can say that they are incomplete
and, ah, we will ask the White House for
further documents. Ah, who is the next, ah witness?
Baker. Bob Haldeman. 60
Ervin. Ah, who? Bobberman, you say?
Baker. No, no. H.R. Haldeman. The President’s aide.
Ervin. Well, oh yes, of course. Why didn’t you say so?
Ah, will the witness come forward.
The Crowd. Buzz. Buzz. 65
Ervin. Mr. Hawdyman, are you present? Come forward.
Baker. I don’t think he’s here.
Ervin. Well, ah, what’s holding, ah, things up?
Baker. We’re waiting on the television
cameramen to return from lunch. 70
Ervin. Oh, well, ah, in that case…
[Enter Technicians of the Camera.]
Oh, ah, here they are.
1st Camera. Ten seconds, Ervie baby. Five. You’re on.
Ervin. Ah, this Committee is now in session.
Ah, will the first witness come forward? 75
[Enter H.R. Haldeman and a lawyer.]
State, ah, your name for the Committee.
Haldeman. H. Robert Haldeman.
Baker. Do you swear to tell the truth,
1st Senator. The whole truth,
2nd Senator. And nothing but the truth, 80
All. So help you?
Haldeman. I do.
Ervin. Where were you on the night of April Twenty-first?
Haldeman. In New York. Or California.
Or Washington. I was traveling between those places. 85
Baker. Did you attend a meeting with Johns
Ehrlichman, Dean, and Mitchell and the President?
Haldeman. No.
Maj Couns. Oh, really? John Dean says you were there.
Haldeman. He was there, but the other two weren’t. 90
Baker. But you did attend a meeting?
Haldeman. The last part. But I had come for
a different matter.
1st Senator. A different matter? How do you know
which matter we’re interested in? 95
Haldeman. I assumed you meant the matter the
President and Dean were discussing
3rd Senator. And what was that?
Haldeman. Our political strategy.
Ervin. For what legislative agenda? 100
Haldeman. I don’t recall.
4th Senator. Really, now, you don’t recall how
the President planned his strategies?
Haldeman. It was about how President Nixon
ought to prevail, as in the past. 105
Baker. There was no talk of political dirty tricks?
… In the past or in the future…
Haldeman. No.
Min Couns. You never authorized, saw, approved, or
acknowledged any political tricks?
Haldeman. No. 110
Ervin. Well, ah, as it’s been said, “He who answers promptly
must know what he’s talking about.” You’re dismissed.
[Exeunt Haldeman and lawyer.]
Baker. Who’s next?
Min Couns. John Dean.
Ervin. Jim Beam? 115
Baker. John Dean.
2nd Senator. This should be fun.
[Enter John Dean and a lawyer.]
1st Senator. He’s made many claims that we’ll
spend hours to investigate.
Ervin. State your name. 120
Dean. John Dean.
Baker. Do you swear to tell the truth,
4th Senator. The whole truth,
All. And nothing but the truth,
Min Couns. So help you? 125
Dean. I do.
Maj Couns. Did you attend a meeting on April
Twenty-first with the President?
Dean. I did. And I would like to take this time
to tell you what occurred at that meeting. 130
First, Mr. Ehrlichman brought up the issue
of clemency for the Watergate
Burglars. The President said that was out
of the question. Then someone mentioned
hush money. I remarked that it would take 135
several million dollars. Mr. Nixon
replied that would be no problem.
The Crowd. Buzz, buzz. Oh, my!
5th Senator. Then the President knew about the
attempt to buy the Burglars’ silence. 140
Dean. Yes, sir.
6th Senator. Did he know anything else?
Dean. Oh, yes. He knew about the burglary
and his aides approved it.
Baker. Did you approve it? 145
Dean. Why, yes. But only because I thought the
President had previously agreed upon it.
Maj Couns. The President agreed to these illegal acts?
Dean. Well, not in so many words. At a meeting
in Florida we talked about 150
a variety of political
tricks and sabotage that required vast sums
of money. When these multi-million
dollar plans were first presented
John Mitchell threw them out and told us 155
to come up with something more viable.
At that point in time it was obvious
that we would have to tone down our proposals.
We came back with a lesser plan which
Mr. Mitchell then gave approval to. 160
However, the President did not say
yes or no. But it was clear by his
actions and hints that we should go ahead.
The Crowd. Buzz, buzz. Oh, my!
Ervin. Well, ah, as wise men say, 165
“Very interesting. Please go on.”
Dean. Then, last summer, after the burglars were caught,
he ordered me to look into the matter.
3rd Senator. This was after the Federal
investigation had taken place? 170
Dean. That is right. He wanted to make sure that
no one in the White House was involved
in this scandal.
Min Couns. And what did you find?
Dean. That we were. 175
Baker. What did the President say about this?
Dean. He was very busy at the time and
we did not discuss it very often,
so I let it drop.
2nd Senator. Then the President had knowledge of 180
wrong doing, but did not report it?
Dean. Right. At that point in time.
The Crowd. Buzz, buzz. Oh, my! Obstruction of justice!
Ervin. Well, ah, then, very well. You are dismissed.
[Exeunt Dean and lawyer.]
Ah, who’s next? Oh, ah, John Ehrlichman. 185
[Enter John Ehrlichman and a lawyer.]
What is your name?
Ehrlichman. John Ehrlichman.
Ervin. Oh. Very well.
1st Senator. Do you swear to tell the truth,
All. The whole truth, 190
2nd Senator. And nothing but the truth,
Min Couns. So help you?
Ehrlichman. I do. I believe that, under the rules
of this Committee, I am entitled
to make a statement. 195
Ervin. Ah, uh, well, is that legal? Oh, ah, yes. Go ahead.
Ehrlichman. John Dean is a liar. Not one of his
accusations are provable and none
of his so-called meetings occurred. And it
is my intention to prove that no one 200
in the White House was involved in either
the burglary or a cover up.
Baker. Explain. Let’s start with the meeting of April Twenty-first.
Ehrlichman. O.K.
Baker. Go on. 205
Ehrlichman. We discussed many different subjects,
before and while Dean was there. But not one
word was mentioned of paying off the Burglars.
1st Person. [Aside.]
Methinks this finally be the truth. That Dean
had the evil eye, a huge sense of self-interest. 210
I believe he makes up stories to impress
the Media. This Ehrlichman knows
what’s right. And I’m reassured that
President Nixon is innocent.
2nd Person. [Aside.]
Methinks this man the liar be. Haldeman 215
and Ehrlichman, twins by office!
Always Haldeman and Ehrlichman, ne’er
the other way around. Two evil boys
plotting mischief in the name of national
security and loyalty to the 220
President. Oh, just look at the man at
the witness table. Such a military
close-chopped crew cut. What a vicious mouth. How
he slurs his words and makes the terms mean things
so sinister. I know he’s lying and 225
so he lied for the President.
I’m now convinced sly Nixon is a crook.
Min Couns. Then the President had no knowledge of
any illegal acts?
Ehrlichman. Uhm, that is correct. 230
Maj Couns. When did the President discover
these wrong doings?
Ehrlichman. Ah, uhm, when he read of the burglary
in the morning papers.
Baker. Did he suspect that some of his top aides 235
were involved?
Ehrlichman. Well, not until the liberal press was
full of rumors and innuendoes
concerning the staff.
3rd Senator. What did he do? 240
Ehrlichman. He ordered John Dean to investigate the matter.
Min Couns. And what did Mr. Dean find?
Ehrlichman. That no one in the White House was involved.
The Crowd. Buzz, buzz. Oh, my! Conflicting testimony!
1st Person. [Aside.]
Oh, they’ve got that Dean fellow in perjuring 245
himself before this Committee.
2nd Person. [Aside.]
Oh, yes. There is a liar in our midst.
And it isn’t John Dean, or Sam Ervin.
Ervin. How very interesting. Well, ah, then,
let us consider what has happened 250
this day. Ah, so much to consider.
Baker. It’s true. We will have an indictment
of perjury before this case is done.
Ervin. Well, ah, this Committee, ah is adjourned.
Oh, excuse me, the witness is dismissed. 255
[Exeunt.]