ACT THREE
Scene I. Washington, D.C. The White House.

[Enter Archibald Cox , a Prosecutor.]
Cox. Ah, here’s the place I seek. Sixteen Hundred
Pennsylvania Avenue. I wonder
if he’s at home? Let’s see. I’ll say to him,
“Here, sir, I’ve something for you.” And then hand
him the Subpoena. Yes, that will do it. 5
Then he’ll have to deliver those papers
and all his private tapes.
[He knocks.]
Ahoy! Any one at home?
Attendant. [From within.]
Who is it?
Cox. ‘Tis I, Cox. 10
Attendant. [From within.]
Oh, yes, sir. I’ll inform the President
directly. But where is Tricia?
Cox. Tricia? I know of no one by that name.
Oh, well, ‘tis now a truly historical
moment. When that man receives this paper 15
history will have been accomplished.
For no President in all the long years
of this Republic has ever been made
to lend his private papers for the use
of the Courts. But now, as I present my 20
case to the Grand Jury, to insure that
I’ve all the evidence, I need those tapes.
Ah, how fortunate that our President
had such a turn of mind to secretly
install recording machines. Now all the 25
conversations that have ever occurred
involving these illegal Watergate
matters are preserved as they actually
happened. The facts, the truth, will now be known.
I can bring indictments against these men, 30
these guilty parties. I’m so glad I am
about to collect these records and tapes.
[Enter Richard and Secret Service Agents.]
Richard. Edward, why do you stand outside. Have you
lost your key, Edward? Huh, what’s this
tomfoolery? You aren’t my daughter’s husband. 35
Who’s this impostor who calls himself Cox?
Cox. That’s my name, sir, Archibald Cox, Special
Prosecutor, who was assigned by you
to leave these matters to the Courts. Here, sir.
Richard. What’s that paper? 40
Cox. Take it. It has your name on it.
Richard. What is it?
Cox. Here. It won’t bite.
Richard. Not literally. Again, I say, what is it?
Cox. Only a Subpoena. Take it. 45
Richard. Heaven’s no. I never touch the stuff.
Cox. Come, now, you’ve charged me with dealing justice
to all those who committed illegal
acts at Watergate. I need all your tapes.
Richard. No! I stand firm. My tapes are my tapes. 50
I charged you with prosecuting the guilty.
Leave me out of it. Besides, I have
the Executive Privilege.
Cox. I must have the tapes.
Richard. You are going too far, Cox. Stop, or you 55
will have trouble.
Cox. I need the tapes to prosecute. Give them here.
Richard. I need a phone. Get me the Attorney General.
[Exit Secret Service Agent.]
Mr. Richardson will cook your goose.
[Re-enter Secret Service Agent, with phone.]
Hello, Richardson, this is Richard. 60
This Cox fellow is getting arrogant.
He wants my tapes. Fire him, Richardson. What!
We’ll the same to you, too. And besides,
you’re fired! Hah, I’ll not have my Cabinet
Members defy me. Hello, Deputy 65
Attorney General, I mean Mr.
Attorney General. That’s right. Fire this
man Cox. Your former boss would not, which is
why you are now one of my Cabinet.
What! You, too! Well, quit, then. See if I care. 70
Who’s third in line? O.K. I remember.
Hello? Fire Cox. Here, Cox. It’s for you.
Cox. Yes, sir. Hello? Yes, sir. I understand.
Alas, I am fired. You will not get away
with this, Mr. President. 75
[Exit Cox.]
Richard. I can’t have these inferiors telling the
President what to do. Let’s return
to more important business.
[All re-enter the White House.]
[Enter Arab Ambassadors.]
Well, I’m glad you boys have decided
to end your embargo. 80
1st Ambass A thousand pardons, O Humble One,
But it is most unfortunate that we
deprived your illustrious nation
of its needed oil supplies.
2nd Ambass But, O Favored Host, a War is a War 85
and we were forced to take most drastic
measures. But, as the camel must always
come eventually to water,
so must we eventually end our embargo.
Richard. [Aside.]
With a hundred percent increase in price.- 90
Well, thank you, gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure.
Ambassadors. May a hundred canaries brighten your life always.
[Exeunt Ambassadors.]
Richard. That’s one problem solved.
[Enter Carl Albert, Speaker of the House of Representatives.]
Hello, Carl. What brings a member of the
loyal opposition to this lonely spot? 95
Albert. ‘Tis provided by the laws of this land
that, should anything happen to you, then
I’ll be President. I don’t want the job.
According to the Constitution, since we’ve
no Vice-President, you must appoint 100
one, to be confirmed by Congress.
Otherwise, I’ll go on as next
in the line of succession.
Richard. Do not worry, Carl. I doubt if anything
will happen to me! 105
Albert. I, too, sir, doubt if any physical
harm shall befall you, but sir, there is talk
that, because of all your administration’s
troubles, you’ll resign.
Richard. I’ll stick it out. I’m not the guy to quit. 110
Albert. And if you don’t resign, you’ll be impeached.
Richard. A ridiculous suggestion.
Albert. Not so, sir. For many years liberal
Democrats have disliked you, and now they
have so many acts to complain about. 115
And their solution is to impeach you.
Richard. I’ll admit my term in office has not
brought pleasant things, but, don’t believe for one
minute that anybody else could have
done a better job. Look at Rising Prices, 120
the Energy Shortage, Kidnappings,
Terror, World Conflict, the Wheat Deal, all these
things would have happened, no matter who’s
in Office. And since fortune deems me
to be that person, I must suffer the blame. 125
I’ll not give up. I’ll keep fighting against
all this adversity. I’ve done nothing
illegal, and all the discontent
that sweeps this land is not the fault, nor
under the control, of any mortal man. 130
I can’t be impeached.
Albert. A priest has already introduced
a bill for your impeachment. Many men
take this talk seriously. The handling
of the Cox affair has not helped. 135
Richard. ‘Twas my decision. I’ll stand by it.
However, Leon Jaworski, who will be
the next Special Prosecutor, will not
be under my control, which should satisfy
my critics. But we do need a Vice President, 140
a man of my own Party. I’ve thought long
about it, but first tell me who your choice would be?
Albert. I’m glad you ask, for I am most anxious
for you to name a Vice President.
And so I’ve brought him here for you to meet. 145
[Enter Gerald Ford.]
Richard. Why, my choice, exactly! Mr. Ford,
would you like to be Vice President?
Ford. Why, yes, I would.
Richard. Is he acceptable to the Democrats?
Albert. By all means. 150
Richard. Why, then, Mr. Ford, you’re going to be Vice President.
[Exeunt.]